Sara & Andrew

by Sara & Andrew

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about

Let's say 'Mates of State' decided to start being funny...that's Sara & Andrew.

Los Angeles comedian Sara Cravens throws her comedy chops and love of singing into an indie-pop mosh pit with Nashville musician Andrew Samples's musical brilliance and natural wit.

Sara & Andrew are childhood best friends, growing up in Tennessee. The pair met in Mr. Dyer's 7th grade World History class at Cookeville Junior High School. As adults, they decided to expand their friendship into a creative bi-coastal partnership. Sara & Andrew laugh, write dumb songs together, and play the dopest MUSICOMEDY shows around.

Follow Sara & Andrew on Facebook for current show info, live videos, and more:
www.facebook.com/pages/Sara-Andrew/240325712654216

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released May 1, 2012

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about

Sara & Andrew Los Angeles, California

"Mates of State" meets "Flight of the Conchords." Sara & Andrew are a fun, hip, charming indie pop musical duo with some mad comedy chops.

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Track Name: Chubby Chaser
So I’ll take a chubby and no I don’t mean a dick
I’m just talking bout one who doesn’t usually get picked
Big fellas beat my heart like a Nascar racer
That's right ladies
I'm a chubby chaser.

All you skinny-ass fellas I bid you adieu
I want a man with some meat I can grab on to
Nothing on earth gets me more randy
Than a man who hits the town in an elastic waist-bandy

Yea it looks like rosacia when you get hot
But your red face makes me wanna tie the knot
Once a month I get cranky with a case of bloat
But all year long I wanna swim in your blubber moat

Chubby Chaser, Chubby Chaser
Sure you've got some extra flab
But in my book you're extra fab
Chubby Chaser, Chubby Chaser
It's such a treat to see to see your cankled feet

I like all kinds of girls now don't get me wrong
But there's a reason I'm here and involved with this song
Takin' fatties out in public builds humility
Then I take off their pants
And exploit their vulnerability

Mama Cass nice ass
Would you like another sandwich
You and Kirstie Alley I don't know know which one to land next
I can curl up on their stomachs like a lazy cat, lovely
I'd be sex-deprived without you
My chubby for the chubbies!

Too skinny for a man's world
No muscles anyway
But when it comes to packin' rounders
Oh I can pull my weight
A little here, a whole lot there
In time I'll have her covered
If my dick was Waffle House
It just got scattered and smothered!

Chubby Chaser, Chubby Chaser
Sometimes I wish I was your sandals
Front row seat to your thick love handles
Chubby Chaser, Chubby Chaser
I'm doublin' on your double chin

I don't have time for models
They're dim and smell too nice
I want a sweaty Betty
And I'll take the largest size
If you want a shot at my twin coconuts
Then lose the six-pack
And get up in these guts

Chubby Chaser, Chubby Chaser
When I see those cottage cheese thighs
I get the sweats for a Super Size fries
Chubby Chaser, Chubby Chaser
Lose the 'tude
But keep those moobs

Chubby Chaser, Chubby Chaser
But you'll have to warn me before you get up on me
Track Name: Farmer's Market
It's Sunday morning
The California sun is shining bright
Time to hit the Farmer's Market
I was born to plant my seed right
Fresh strawberries, grapefruit, and homemade honey sticks are great
But let's not pretend
That's not what's on our menu for today

I come to check out
Hot Dads, Hot Dads
Nah this ain’t a fad
Not even a tad
I got a thing for
Hot Dads, Hot Dads
In their free range, organic plaids

Don't forget about those
Hot Moms, Hot Moms
My pants just can’t stay calm
No I won’t last long
Come over here you
Hot Moms, Hot Moms
Let me shotgun you some homemade wax lip balm

I live to see your facial scruff on an early Sunday
And check out your tush as you pick out a hydrangea bouquet
I'm just trying to catch your eye with my 9-grain pancake patty
Hey where can I sign up for you to be my sugar daddy

Hot Dads, Hot Moms
They're all over
Hot Moms, Hot Dads
Like 3-leaf clovers

I gaze over the farm grown blackberry jelly
And see the remains of a sexy preggers belly
You've been through so much, I know your body's tired
But I'm like a preservative
Mami I don't expire

Talking about
Hot Moms, Hot Moms
Can I get a seat
On top of your sweet teet
Talking bout those
Hot Dads, Hot Dads
Don’t wanna cause a scene
I just wanna peek that peen

And it don't really matter that you're someone else's mister
Or that I'm young enough to be your baby's sister
When I go and see you in your oatmeal hoodie
I can't help myself I get a lady woodie
Getting up early on Sundays really starts to suck
But I’d do anything cause you’re a Mom I’d Like to...

Hot Dads, Hot Moms
They're everywhere
Hot Moms, Hot Dads
Who wants to start an affair

Hot Dads, Hot Moms
I’ll be right over here
Hot Moms, Hot Dads
Let’s go disappear

Hot Dads, Hot Moms
I just can’t get enough
Can I see you in the buff

Hot Moms, Hot Dads
You need to drop your fresh produce
And we’ll seduce and reproduce
Track Name: Craigslist Crapper
We met on Craigslist so I am hoping that this post finds you. I know that it could quite possibly be the most humiliating first date that you have ever been on, but I am willing to look past that. I thought we had chemistry sitting at McMenamins sharing that basket of Cajun Tots while drinking the Terminator Stout. I really felt like there was a connection there. I found you to be intelligent and witty and looked forward to further conversation with you. At some point in life, everyone has gambled on a fart and lost. It just happened to be on a first date in the passenger seat of my car. Please don't feel bad. The package I sent you with Pepto the next day and the note that said “First dates are always a crap shoot. Call me.” was meant to be funny, not offensive.

At some point everyone has gambled on a fart
And sometimes
You lose that bet
And your pants get all wet
It's always embarrassing whether you're in a coffee shop or a club
But it's a much harsher fate
When you're on a first date

I have gambled on a fart and lost on multiple occasions. The first time I did it was very memorable. It happened when I was five and sitting on my uncle's lap. I am lactose intolerant, but love cheese. I probably win 95% of the time, but I don't think anyone wins 100% of the time. That's why they call it “gambling.” I'm the last person to judge you for crapping your pants. In fact, I am impressed by your boldness. The timing on the other hand, could have been a tad bit better...like when you're not sitting on a heated leather seat. What I am trying to say is that if you want to go out again, I would be more than happy to take you someplace where we can get a meal that is high in fiber and less taxing on the digestive tract. I await your call, Tad. P.S. If you shat yourself on purpose to end the evening early...touche.

At some point everyone has gambled on a fart
And sometimes
You lose that bet
And your pants get all wet
It's always embarrassing whether you're in a coffee shop or in a club
But it's a much harsher fate
When you're on a first date
When you fart on a date
Track Name: Really Good Gay
You guys are commitment phobic
You know
You girls are dramatic and crazy
I know
I know I may not be perfect, but there's way worse
So why is it so hard out there
Who knows
And I'm all fed up

Hey wait
Don't you wanna date me
You will never make me the One
But it's ok
It's not too late
To change how birth set me
I think it's about time for a change
Could you show me the way
I think I'd be a really good gay
Think I'd be a really good gay

I wear cowgirl boots and a cute dress
Every night
So I guess I could be a lipstick
Isn't that right
I get major bored watching sports or going fishing
And I always peek that peen when all the other dudes are pissing
I'd rather dance than start a fight

Hey wait
Screw all you straighties
And your STDs
I think I'll be okay
It's not too late
For a game of twister
Or rock, paper, scissor
Cause let me just say
I think I'd be a really good gay

My sister used to dress me up like a girl and make me perform in front of my family
I'd close my eyes and pretend I was Liberace, live in Italy
I played basketball and softball, I sang tenor in high school chorus, and I still think Old Spice Sport deodorant smells really good
My two favorite drinks in the whole wide world are margaritas and cosmos
And I can work a pant-suit like nobody's business
Ya'll know

I'll never have a guy/girl break my heart again
I don't have any other plans this weekend
Might as well give in

Hey gays
Hey gays
Hey gays
Don't you wanna date me
Ready for you to make me the One
Let's go play
So today
I'll throw away my old dolls
And trade em in for a Uhaul
Hip hip hooray
I think I'd be a really good gay
I-I think I'd be a really good gay

Or at least let them get married
Track Name: Shark Attack
Go out, have a nice date
I'm your babysitter
I'll do crafts with your kid
Using crayons and glitter
But before we get to that
No I won't wait till later
I'm about to rummage through your refrigerator

I'm not bad, I'm just hungry and poor
And you've got a pantry I can't wait to explore
All I keep in my apartment is booze
So I go through yours looking for Doritos
and Dunk-a-Roos

It's a Shark Attack
As soon as you turn your back
We'll raid your snacks until we have full backpacks
We could find a Mike & Ike in a haystack
Babysitters, musicians on the road
We'll eat the shit out of your humble abode
We're worse than a Guy Fieri episode

Fruit-by-the-foot, string cheese, pre-packaged on-the-go
Feeling a little cozy
Cause we turned up your heat, yo
Yeah outside that's real snow

I'm not a thief
You said 'What's mine belongs to you'
So I'mma take a hot shower
And use your spensy shampoo
We've stuffed our suitcases til they're busting at the seam
Now you're out of TP
So I sure hope your towels are clean

Cause it's a Shark Attack
As soon as you hit the sack
We'll raid your snacks until we have full backpacks
We can't wait to find your Gushers and a Fun Dip pack
Babysitters, musicians on the road
We'll eat the shit out of your humble abode
Get ready for a high fructose corn syrup overload

Yea, it's a Shark Attack
Kitchen wreckage worse than Iraq
Our mission's done and now we have full backpacks
We left a crusty pot in the sink of cheese and mac
And since we found your Fritos and bean dip
Don't stand downstream
That fart might turn into shit
And we know you don't have any more toilet paper
Track Name: Video Gamer Breakup Song
You've always wanted a trophy miss
And I gave that a whirl
It's time you learn
I'm a controller-in-hand kinda girl
I love you and still think you're quite a looker
But honestly
I just wanna steal some cars
And pick up a Vice City Hooker
I don't want your sweet caress
Give me the plastic sexy of my NES

So I think that we should go our separate ways
Yea I think that we should go our separate ways
Ms PacMan cant find her man up in this maze
I prolly could live without you
But not my video games

I tried to figure you out
You're like a puzzle in God of War
I thought I'd stick it out
But now I'm out the door
We used to be on fire
But now we're plutonic
It's like our chemistry feels like Robotnic and Sonics
Remember in the park
Where we cuddled and we laughed
Now you only care about your XP in World of Warcraft
I try to give you sweet booty
But all you want is Call of Duty

So I think that we should go our separate ways
Yea I think that we should go our separate ways
I'm nothing but a ghost in your PacMan maze
I don't wanna live without you
But fuck your video games

You make it so tough when I try to get all up on your grind
Just do me a Solid
Not the Metal Gear kind
I wanna work this out a lot
But I feel like I've been Halo shot
Well lemme just shoot this Modern Warfare missle
Then how bout one last ride on your Warp Whistle
I love you, but I'm sorry
It feels like we're too much apart
Cause you don't even know the meaning of up-up-down-down-left-right-left-right-b-a-start

So I guess that we should go our separate ways
Yea I guess that we should go our separate ways
That Warp Whistle sesh has got me in a haze
But now I'll live without you
And go play some video games

Play some video
Play some video
Play some video games

Sorry but your Princess is in another castle
Track Name: It Pays To Be Homeless
It pays to be homeless
Homeless, with no home
(that's the definition of homeless)
It pays to be homeless
Homeless don't you kno--oo-oow

Great tan, no yard to mow
Sifting my feet through the sand behind Bi-Lo
No bills, no fire drills
Find a used Starbucks cup, get a free refill

Use some boxes to fashion a tent
Sure beats the hell outta paying rent
No charge for the autumn piss scent
(piss scent)

This adult-stuff isn't what it's cracked up to be
Penny-pinching each dollar and cent
Screw this pressure, got 2 B a better way
Than finding employment

It pays to be homeless
Homeless, with no home
(that's the definition of homeless)
It pays to be homeless
Homeless don't you kno—oo-oow

I'm my own boss, I got an open schedge
When it comes to inventive shoe-soles, I'm on the cutting edge
Forget about debt, I shower when the Shell turns on the sprinkler jet
The whole world is my toilet

When you're homeless
Homeless with no home
It pays to be homeless
Homeless don't you knooooow

My hair can always be a mess
I got no stress
It pays to be homeless

Collecting cash, pretending I work at this parking lot
Eating food from trash, catching it just before it rots
No regular dwelling, always traveling, that's worldliness you're smelling
Try not to get aroused, just enjoy the perks of the unhoused

I just peed my pants
Track Name: Split The Check
When I go out to dinner with friends
We all have a swell time, but when the meal does end
There's one sure way for a passive-aggressive mess
Waitress please just split this check

Why folks can't account for tip and tax
I will never know, but that really chaps my ass
I know you won't, but hey what the heck
Waitress please just split this check

Tim ordered an app, will he claim it- what do you think?
Sammy got a dessert, and Sheila had 7 drinks
So no I don't want it split evenly
Waitress please split this check by each seat

I'm not a dick, I just want to be fair
Oh you're strapped for cash, well I really just don't care
We've all lost our jobs in the past few years
So I don't wanna pay for your beers

Tim ordered an app, will he claim it- what do you think?
Sammy got a dessert, and Sheila had 7 drinks
So no I don't want it split evenly
Waitress please split this check by each seat

Wanna do me a solid favor
Then take this check right back
Split it up
Be my savior
I just had a small cheese plate
And now they want me to chip in
For Kim's beef wellington
And it makes me irate
To split Phil's porterhouse steak

Tim ordered an app, will he claim it- what do you think
Sammy got a dessert, and Sheila had 7 drinks
So no I don't want it split evenly
Waitress please split this check by each seat

No I don't want it split evenly
Waitress please-- Split this
Waitress please-- Just split this
Waitress please-- Split this
By each seat
Track Name: Bullying Won't Amount To Anything
We know everything sucks right now but
haters gonna hate
It's hard to see, but it gets better
Just you wait

Bullying wont amount to- to anything

Soon that jerk-face who gave you a swirly
and stole the tots off your plate,
When he grows up all he does is
spell words wrong on his status updates.

Bullying wont amount to- to anything
Bullys wont amount to anything

He'll be fat, bald, uneducated,
diabetic on walker
I know it seems so far away
but after high school
That guy that seemed so tough
will probably be on house arrest
on divorce three
with nothing more to show
not even a JC degree, had to return for his GED

And while he's wasted, watching Jersey Shore
headed for an early death
You'll be the dude that owns the company
that makes his meth

Bullying wont amount to- to anything

You'll probably own a golf course too, and have a
smokin hot wife
And every kid that ever bullied you
will wish they had your life

Bullying wont amount to- to anything
Bullys wont amount to anything

He'll be fat, bald, uneducated,
diabetic on walker
I know it seems so far away
but after high school
You're one of Forbes 500
and he's just plain white trash
with a farmer's tan
Sitting in his basement
drinkin sodas that are off-brand, singing with his Nickelback tribute band

So don't you worry, for you it gets better
And he'll just get polyps on his butt
Track Name: Quit Replyin All
This has gone too far
You're in your cubicle all alone, you're bored
But your responses have gone overboard
There's a difference you know
Between reply and reply all, it's true
So our message goes out just for you

You've gotta stop
Replyin replyin Replyin replyin Replyin ALL
In my email box, you keep
Fillin it flillin it Fillin it flillin it Fillin it UP
And it's too much junk with
Uninteresting info and One person jokes
This is overhaul
You've gotta stop Replyin Allllllllllll
(Yea, no seriously)

This is common sense
Shouldn't everyone know better by now
But some of you missed the memo somehow
You think your quips are fun
But no one gives a poop, FYI
So leave out the "All" and just hit "Reply"

You've gotta stop
Replyin replyin Replyin replyin Replyin ALL
In my email box, you keep
Fillin it flillin it Fillin it flillin it Fillin it UP
And it's too much junk with
Uninteresting info and One person jokes
This is overhaul
You've gotta stop Replyin Allllllllllll
(Just Quit)